the loving mind

this word 'love' must be the most misconstrued word in the english language. the fact that it means a lot of things to a lot of people must be the beginning of all the confusions.

the word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure to intense interpersonal attraction. this diversity of meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states. as an abstract concept love is normally described as a sort of intense feeling that one feels for another human being that you cant quite put your finger on. like it defies logic or explanation or even creed or caste . it could be some sort of passionate desire, romantic or unromantic relationship, intimacy or just plain serious liking.

i used to think that love but happens only once in your life and that once it comes, it should be your end all and be all. not true! love is a beautiful feeling that overcomes us every time we give ourselves to another human being. and there is so much of love to be given around. i dont think anyone has a short supply of love in themselves to be given out. and the biggest challenge in love is, i suppose, not being loved back! but somehow the one who loves can only gain by the experience because being in love is such a beautiful experience albeit it being a lil bit of everything not so pleasant in the case of unrequited love. Love has got nothing to do with what you hope to get but everything to do with what you have to give which is EVERYTHING.

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage." Lao Tzu

how does this love develop between two individuals? for me it has always been a combination of a lof of factors. Alain de Botton sums up the lovers language so beautifully that it seems a shame not to just quote him.
The more familiar two people become, the more the language they speak together departs from that of the ordinary, dictionary-defined discourse. Familiarity creates a new language, an in-house language of intimacy that carries reference to the story the two lovers are weaving together and that cannot be readily understood by others.

my latest young reader, mkshiv, quoted Mother Theresa and posed a question to me some days back. she asked me, how do you expect to love God whom you cant see when you dont love human beings whom you can see?
well, love demands certain qualities in a person. the idea of love does not conquer it all but acts of love such as patience, understanding, selflessness, sacrifice and compassion would be vital ingredients in people who love. though it comes across as second nature to many, love does not come so easily to everyone. to a lot of people being in love is baring their soul and making them vulnerable to other human beings. opening one's self to another does not come so easily to many. not to mention all the ego and the pride that is present that stops them from confessing love or even admitting to themselves that just maybe some other soul has managed to touch their heart somewhere. and yes, how do you profess to love God then?

this other friend of mine Chel said to me that true love happens only once and that is the love he shares with his wife. Chel and i debated on this issue of love and i decided to write about it this time around. he says that any other love professed by him would be hypocritical as he would not be able to fulfill his obligations as a lover or a partner etc. i dont necessarily agree with him on this one.

however, Chel's opinion brings me to look at the cultural view held by the Turkish.
apparently in Turkish the word "love" comes up with several meanings. a person can love god, a person, the parents or the family. but that person can "love" just one person from the opposite sex which they refer to as "ask". Ask is a feeling to love, as it still is in Turkish today. the Turks use this word just for their romantic loves in a romantic or sexual sense. if a Turk says that he is in love (ask) with somebody, it is not a love that a person can feel for his or her parents; it is just for one person and it indicates a huge infatuation.

whatever views that you hold steadfastly to, i suppose as long as love does figure out somewhere in your life and in your vocabulary you cant be too bad a person.

Studies have shown that brain scans of those infatuated by love display a resemblance to those with a mental illness. Love creates activity in the same area of the brain that hunger, thirst, and drug cravings create activity in. New love, therefore, could possibly be more physical than emotional. Over time, this reaction to love mellows, and different areas of the brain are activated, primarily ones involving long-term commitments.
Dr. Andrew Newberg, a neuroscientist, suggests that this reaction to love is so similar to that of drugs because without love, humanity would die out.

In the spiritual sense, love holds a much greater meaning and it encompasses the entire creation on earth. Vedanta stresses the point that all beings originate from the same source and therefore to hate anyone would be equivalent to hating your own self.

My swamiji says, economically one may be below mark, but in giving out emotions, sentiments, in pouring out love and affection, none in this world need be poor, lowly or underprivileged. these sentiments are lavishly available in everyone's heart- be he an aristocrat or a beggar. one has to only to share these. those who do not or cannot extend these, i consider them as impoverished hypocrites.

Its a case where if you have love, you dont need anything else. But if you dont have love, then it doesnt matter what else you have. However it is not easy to be in love continuously and to keep that love. You need to constantly work on it to keep it going. Leo Buscaqlia says and i quote;

"Perfect love is rare indeed - for to be a lover will require that you continually have the subtlety of the very wise, the flexibility of the child, the sensitivity of the artist, the understanding of the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint, the tolerance of the scholar and the fortitude of the certain."

Bhakti is a Sanskrit term meaning 'loving devotion to the supreme God'. A person who practices bhakti is called a bhakta or a devotee. love or devotion is the easiest path to god realisation. this can be attained by wholesomely devoting oneself to the holy people and the holy scriptures and developing dispassion towards worldly things. by giving my swamiji the supreme position in my life I hope i will be guided as to how to cultivate supreme love for the lord, how to develop desirelessness, how to develop dispassion and how to reach the pinnacle of devotion.

Love for the lord makes you see the lord in every thing, in all creatures, in all the moving and the non-moving objects. Wherever we see, whomever we see and whatever we see, we should see the lord alone. Love in its purest form...

However i have always felt that the one who loves himself/herself the best is the one who knows how to love another human being. So above everything, love yourself. Then love everyone else. Whether it is love for the human being or love for the supreme lord, it is giving yourself wholesomely and whole heartedly. At the end of the day, it is the one who loves who is enriched by the entire experience. Love unconditionally, expect nothing in return, be emphatic and remember to say 'i love you'. The love we have in us is God's gift to us. What we do with it is our gift to God.