the marrying mind

i celebrated my 20th wedding anniversary today; the 25th june. at an age where couples hardly cross 2 years, i think my 20 years is a big achievement.
so much has been said about marriages but i dont think anything comes close to what Kahlil Gibran said in The Prophet
'you were born together and together you shall be for evermore
you shall be together even in the silent memory of God
but let there be spaces in your togetherness
and let the winds of heavens dance between you.

love one another but make not a bond of love
let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
fill each other's cups but drink not from one cup
give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf

sing and dance together and be joyous but let each one of you be alone.
stand together yet not too near together
for the pillars of the temple stand apart
and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
-Kahlil Gibran-
I personally think no one has described the human relationship in a marriage better than this. How many can profess to have a relationship like this in these times? today there is so much of discord and problems among married couples and more often than not marriages do not last. trivial things can lead to divorce among couples. men and women are both independent and hold good jobs making them financially stable and very rarely do couples compromise and stay back in the marriage for financial security. there is no sanctity in the institution of marriage anymore making it a contract just like pie crusts; made to be broken.

having said that, there is nothing more painful than to see a marriage fail. over the years i have witnessed friends giving up on their marriages and i have often wondered if thats all the years between them meant. but only they would know the problems that they have gone through and it would be absolutely unfair on my part to comment on whose fault it is.

on my part i feel that the most important aspect of a marriage is the very big 'C' word...COMPROMISE! my husband and i have had our share of fights but i guess we have known when and where to compromise and settle our differences. i suppose if there is plenty of love between the couple and the will to stay married no matter what, the couple will work hard to keep the institution going. believe me it is a lot of hard work; because it is a very thin line between love and hate.

my Swamiji says do not dwell upon the discrepancies and maladjustments with your married partner. In love between partners, every excess is excused; every lack is condoned. After all, for everyone the world is a square peg in a round hole. Even though one has a choice as to whom he or she is marrying, there is limitation on all sides. As long as life has to be lived, it has to be lived well. One should be able to live well with the partner. Have love for each other. There are instances of incompatible alliances, but the husband still lives with the wife. If either is not able to live well with the other, there is an inadequacy in him or her.

every marriage should have a large helping of kahlil gibran and an overdose of Swamiji and i am sure we will have majority couples celebrating golden anniversaries. i m grateful for the twenty years with my husband and i pray for many many more happy years ahead. for all of you out there who have been married for as long as i have been, or more than me or a little less than me may you all find happiness in your marriage and dont forget to inculcate a kahlil gibran and swamiji into your marriages. happy anniversary husband!