the wandering mind

every now and then the mind is taken to wandering...taking a walk on its own, going on a holiday. Could be virtual or real. I remember vaguely this movie with arnold wats his name on it going on a virtual holiday and enjoying it just the same.

well i m off on a holiday for a week. not a virtual one though. i m actually going for real. with the family, bags and baggage, husband and kids...

will tell u all about it when i am back. till then please bear with me. keep the mind intact. keep it dispassionate and most importantly keep it fearless.

when my wandering mind comes back i will hopefully be rejuvenated and re energized to start off yet another half of the year. see, there i go again having expectations. anyway, i m off guys. take care. will cu when i get back.

the fearless mind

just this morning Letz asked me what my simple pleasures in life would be and that got me smiling and grinning. from the top of my head, yea, little things like walking bare foot in the beach, the smell of grass after a rain, cuddling up under the blanket, laughing myself silly and the list is actually quite endless with lots more this and that. but when Letz asked me what would be the single most thing that would give me most pleasure i took a step back and thought for a moment and i figured that the single most thing would be to become completely fearless.

people have different kinds of fears. a child would fear not seeing its mother, a slightly older child would fear the wrath of his parents if he misbehaved, an adult would fear not having a roof over his head or not having enough money in his pocket, an older adult would fear not having anyone to take care of him/her in their old age and the list of fears are, unfortunately, quite endless.

right from a young age kids are fed with fears. dont do this, dont say that, dont take this, dont look there. naturally they grow up with all these fears firmly planted in their heads. by the time they are young adults they have so many more fears included into their already long list and my guess is as good as yours as to the kind of fears they have by the time they become adults.

fear can be real. fear can also be imaginary. fear can be self imposed. fear can also be justified. whatever it is, fear is something we can all do without. when i got robbed a couple of years ago, i was very upset with the people who did that to me because they took away the sense of security i felt in my own home and i felt cheated and dejected. i was fearful in my own home and that i think is the worst feeling of all. i also fear balloons. i think they have a way of creeping up to me and suddenly going 'pop!' however i wont go screaming and running if a van stops by me and a few guys come out of it. they have got out because it is their stop. joey has a vivid imagination and in her imaginative mind she fears for her life and runs...well, thats joey for you!

joey would also run for her life if she sees lizards or cockroaches. well, i have seen many people do that too. the poor insects are probably more scared of us humans, but of course we just fear them with all our lives. then there is the fear of the unknown. what if there is someone lurking behind the bushes? or what if there is some unseen force waiting beyond the wall? i asked a guy once as to why he would never take the initiative to talk to a girl and he said to me what if she takes her slipper and hits me or what if she just walks away. there is fear of being rejected there. and when u ask a girl why she doesnt approach a guy and she says what if he thinks i am too forward or bold. once again there is fear.

my swamiji says that of all the gifts you can give someone, the most priceless of them all is the great gift of fearlessness. And this comes about by imparting spiritual wisdom. Swamiji says, look into your heart, the deeper level of your mind, and from there bring forth whatever you want. When the summer becomes very severe, sometimes the well goes dry. What do we do? We deepen the well and get little more water. Similarly, you have to dig out a deeper and loftier dimension from your mind. Understand that the mind has got enormous dimensions. Never feel defeated. Never be subdued by fear. Always have confidence.

just as i was fearing the worst; that i might not get to sleep tonight, that i might not finish writing this blog tonight, that Letz will check my blog tomorrow and still find it not updated; Swamiji has come to my rescue and given me his take on the matter. these fears got to go. these fears are constrictions of the mind. i think i will blow the balloons for the next birthday party. i know two birthdays coming up. ram is turning ...never mind how old...on the 27th and joey becomes a year younger this 29th. to both of them may you have a fearless birthday and remember i am blowing the balloons!

the wise mind

when i was growing up i was never too much into sanskrit slokas or prayers of any kind. not that i am too hot about any of them now either. but there used to be this particular prayer that i hung on to like dear life and a day did not pass me by when i did not utter this prayer when i woke up in the morning.
it goes like this: dear god, give me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to see the difference.

even though i have never really managed to imbibe the full essence of the prayer, i have i must say tried very hard to remember it at least in times of trouble. for instance when i had that flat tyre on the highway. lucky for me i remembered in the nick of time that cursing the flat tyre would not fix it but being nice to the big burly policeman who happened to be there (my little blessings in life) might just about avoid me from getting my white linen pants all soiled and mushy. a smile, that five cents face i normally reserve for emergencies and 'the oh you are soh kind...' did wonders for me. that was a perfect situation where i used both serenity and courage to come out of a difficult predicament.

however, i fail miserably everyday when i sit in my car, in the midst of a terrible traffic jam cursing everyone and everything right from the traffic lights up to the frail old man in his rickety morris minor who is slowing down the traffic. somehow intelligence just flies out of the window during times like this and the mind can see no reason. would have been extremely gratifying if i could just yank up the volume on my cd player and sing along with the song and accept the moment as something beyond my control. but no! i insist on doing everything except that!

there are things we can change and there are some we cant. cant we just accept these gracefully? cant we employ some wisdom to see that some things are here to stay and that come rain, come shine they will be there. and that some other things if deliberated with care and executed with a dose of courage could be a thing of the past.

my swamiji quotes from chapter 2 of the Gita when he says, understand that life is an interaction between our senses and the objects of the world. and this interaction is bound to produce the mutually opposite reactions called happiness and unhappiness. this by the very nature of our life cannot be dispensed with. what is possible and necessary, he says, is a cultured indifference towards both of them.
swamiji of course calls to avoid preference towards happiness or prejudice towards pain. he instead asks us to accept both heartily. he says, why grumble and complain when you know that both are inevitable and that both together constitute our life. be at home and content with whatever that comes and goes...
joey normally goes red in the face when things are not going her way and sean has a way of laughing his troubles away. ram goes all quiet while i just start hyperventilating. everyone deals with adversity in the way they know best! i would like to think that if we exercise some wisdom we would be able to overcome this predicament. traffic jams, lost luggages, rainy days, tangled christmas lights and unrequited love stories are here to stay, like it or not. how we deal with them shows character of the mind.
swamiji says, once you develop a cultured indifference to pain and pleasure, you can develop courage, determination and above all WISDOM!

the dispassionate mind

being dispassionate means not influenced by strong feelings or not affected by personal or emotional involvement. a state of mind that Swamiji always advocates all of us at the Ashram to adhere to.
unfortunately it is neither simple nor possible for the mere mortals especially for someone like me who is very passionate, quite emotional and the degree of my involvement in all matters are a 101%. hmmm...what a fix i am in!
how does one practise dispassion? how do u love without being in love, how do u cook without loving ur own food, how do u bathe without getting drenched, how do u listen without getting overwhelmed, how do care without getting involved and the list unfortunately is endless! i for one find it so difficult to separate the two.
it is important to be dispassionate without being distant or cold. no one likes a cold fish. compassion should be there in any human being. the warmth, the love, the humanness! yet there should be a distance. the ability to draw the line. a dear friend of mine said, there should be no carry forwards. once again easier said than done. how do u not carry back a small slice of your interactions; back to your home, back to your life, back to your heart? is it possible to remain detached in attachment?
too many questions and too many what ifs. My swamiji however has this to say about dispassion and for fear of misquoting Him, I am going to give you his quote from His book, Prabatha-rasmih:
"People misunderstand dispassion as a note of distaste and repulsion towards all events and enjoyments of life.
But the truth is that to live effectively and victoriously in this world, in harmony with whatever life brings from time to time, man has to cultivate dispassion as an essential quality, just as he grows love, affection and fondness.
In fact, the fuller and most elevated manifestation of all human emotions is possible only in the presence of supreme dispassion."

Swamiji particularly mentions dispassion as being an essential quality and how dispassion should be a quality one has to develop just as one would develop qualities like love, affection and fondness to live victoriously and harmoniously in this world.
So people, can we now announce to the world; yes i love you all but i am not in love with you? and yes, i still love u joey, despite the flaring nostrils, crimson red face and temperamental outburst! I care about all your warts and worries but i wont badger my poor little head with them? is that dispassion enough?
I love my husband and children to bits but i will not stifle their space, worry unnecessarily and crowd their lifestyle? Dispassion? U think?
I love our centre and its wonderful people, Sean, Krish, Rats, Ram, JR, Nat, Ukie, Dee, Reem, Vas, Ginny, Prim, Sugi. Being dispassionate about it would help me to maintain a long lasting and harmonious relationship with all of them. So if i pass you by without giving you that extra extra;oh i love u so so much smile Joey, remember i m on a dispassionate crusade. You will still buy me dinner wont you, Friday nite?

the present mind

A dear friend Letz, in his good morning message to me said: Regretting over Yesterday and Fear of Tomorrow are the two thieves which steal our Present! It cud not have been worded any better than that. Often we find ourselves reminiscing about the past be it triumphs or failures. Regretting about past actions. Maybe I shud have planted that tree 2 inches to the left or maybe i shud have woken up 2 minutes earlier yesterday or maybe i shud have knocked Sean's head when i had the chance...hmmm what delightful thots!

And we also have this constant fear for the unknown quantity. Tomorrow is always an unknown quantity. I have a friend who always tells me, I dont know whats going to happen to me tomorrow and i really dont know where i stand. I normally have only one thing to tell her. My dear, that same blazing sun you saw today will come out in all its brilliance tomorrow too and that the little bit of space that you need to stand on, will still be below your feet. Am I being too optimistic living in an uncertain world like ours?

Really, i refuse to get bogged down by negativity. Joey likes to say that I live dangerously. Joey and I hang out at the centre quite a bit and whenever we are together somewhere at the back, she would insist on making sure that every lock, every bolt is fastened. And when i tell her to chill, she will say we cant take any chances. She calls herself careful but I call her joeyparanoia. Just as she calls me obsessive compulsive. Of course it is good to be careful but when it borders on paranoia (like it is with joey) it hinders growth! People, people...u must remember that i love joey right?

But even i have to agree that throwing caution to the wind; like how i m most of the time is living quite dangerously. But not regretting past actions, moving on to new ventures and soldiering on to tomorrow and the day after and the day after that without any fear or favour would be the ultimate way to live. Past actions are a thing of the past. They look good on photo albums or back up discs but not in our lives. Many use it as yardsticks of measure or things i wud never do again. Whatever it is, it is important to learn from past mistakes. A man who does not learn from past mistakes is condemned to repeat it. Lets not mistake this with regretting past actions. Regretting past actions bogs you down and hinders growth. It will always be a stumbling block in your life.

My swamiji says nothing new is going to take place in your life. He points out that the world has been in existence for an infinite length of time and in that period everything has already happened. If any incidences visit you it is most probably something that has happened before. So where is there room for fear? Fear is only for the dark and unknown!

Once again swamiji has hit the nail right on its head. Now can i drive that straight into joey's head? But Joey u know that I love you, right?

the humble mind

another sunday has come and gone. activities in the centre on a sunday morning is normally divine, sublime and very auspicious. this sunday was no different. every activity is done with so much of devotion, gentleness and reverence to the Guru. especially the prostration to the Guru.

i have come across many people who think it absurd to prostrate. the questions about how do i lower myself to that extent, or who is it that i m prostrating at, or why should i prostrate at anyone's feet for that matter might be top on the list. the act of prostration can be seen as an act of submission or surrendering power to another. is it?

My swamiji says that prostration is a unique, defenceless, egoless expression that enriches and blesses the person doing it with the mercy and grace of the one to whom he is prostrating. When you prostrate, you are the person to gain by your prostration, by your humility. The person or object that you prostrate is surely not to get the benefit of your prostration.

if one can see the divinity in each of the creations on earth, it would automatically make you want to prostrate before them as you would prostrate before the Supreme God. when i see the devotees in the centre prostrate before swamiji with so much of reverence, my eyes well up with tears. it is truly an exercise in humility, trust, devotion and sublimity.

if only we can see everyone as a supreme being and award the same kind of pranaams (prostration) even if it is just done mentally, the world will be such a great place to live in. A very good friend of mine, Malkeet, in his mail to me said that he mentally says a prayer everytime he meets another person. He says, “May the Divine blessings of peace & love be upon you at all times.” I suppose that prepares you to see the supreme in the other person and that on the other hand sublimates the other person too.

now now people, lets do some mental pranaams instead of the hi, hello, 'wey bro' or 'dey' or the present trend 'whassup' when we meet our fellow beings.we at the centre normally addresss centre mates by a 'Jai Guru' which literally translates to 'Victory to the Guru' or if we look deeper, it actually means Victory to the big mind in us.lets be humble in victory!

the even minded mind

i want to know if any of you can pull this off... suppose you get a million bucks on the weekly lottery, what would your response be like. When i ask you about it, you have this sombre reply. Oh yea, i am grateful for the mega bucks but i 'm cool!
and suppose you have just gone through this mega tragedy in your life; eg like going bankrupt or going through this major illness, what would your response be like. When i ask you about it, will you have this unaffected reply which says something like yea, i'm down and out but i am grateful for the experience and that this adversity has taught me a thing or two...
how many of us can actually claim to have reactions like this when faced with joy or adversity? we are either over the moon when in joy or down in the dumps in the face of adversity. can we actually have this even minded mind?
sugi from the centre introduced Rudyard Kipling's IF to me and in that he says and i quote...

[IF]

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling

what profundity I cannot describe...
My swamiji always says the very same thing quoting from the chapter 12 of the Gita whereby it is stated in one of the verses;' alike to friend and foe, alike in honour and insult, alike in heat and cold, alike in praise and blame-unattached, contented and steady in mind- dear to me is such a man.'
Swamiji always says, as you are at home with joy, so should you be at home in distress. He says joy and distress are final subjective outcomes of all our interactions in life and we should thus find a way to sublimate our reactions to both.
The next time you see me smiling when i have lost my wallet or broken my finger nail or when joey pulls my already very short hair or Sean actually tramples the flower bed then you know that i have truly arrived. Till then watch out people...i am still screaming bloody murder!

the serving mind

at some point of our life we are serving someone or the other. wikipedia loosely defines serve as providing a form of non material good. somehow you can never put a price tag on service mainly because it is non material.
as a daughter i have served my parents, as a sister i have served my brother, as a wife i have served my husband, as a mother i have served my children, as a citizen i have served the country, as a friend i have served my pals, as an employer i have served my employees and as a disciple i have served my gurudev.
my swamiji(by the way, my swamiji is your swamiji too as I refer him to mine as an endearment. my gurudev is very dear to me and if i have been referring to him as mine; it is only because he is extremely extremely dear to me and not because he is an object) always says that service is a natural free expression of the mind. he also says that when you do service to your family, it is sort of expected of you. things you would do for your parents or your siblings or your children are compulsions rather than voluntary.
when you serve your people without expecting anything in return, those activities will help the entire community, your country and the whole globe. this in return provides unimaginable joy and peace to the server.
coming back to my centre garden where joey, sean and i worked to transform the place; i must say we did it with so much of love and regard for our centre and also for all the devotees who are patronising and will patronise the centre. somehow i know that eventhough it wont make any difference to my swamiji whether the centre garden has a blue flower sprouting out of a yellow plant or a red flower dying on the blue plant; i know for a fact that he has managed to instill that service bud in the three of us and would be happy to note that we have grown in some way. my swamiji always says service to mankind enriches, expands, enlarges and elevates one's mind and personality.

i have this thing in me pushing me to serve. somehow i cant put it down on paper as well as i feel it from the very bottom of my existence. i remember my sister in law sunita wanting to give me a medical certificate to explain my absence from the centre as she wanted me to go shopping with her. I told her i will only need an MC if i am forced to go to the centre. I m going willingly and no one is expecting me to be there. life in the centre would go on regardless of me being there. however, i need to go as i have an internal urge to do so.

pat on the backs and well wishes are nice and charming but somehow not as gratifying as the fountain of peace and joy i feel within me when i am serving my people. you might say i am selfish because i am doing it to fulfill my inner joy; but you know what? so be it!

the defying mind

it is general human tendency to agree and to disagree on matters. some people are opinionated and would put in their two cents worth at every discussion. some of course think it is smarter to keep their comments to themselves than to air it out in public. whether one is the kind who speaks or doesnt, the fact remains that everyone has an opinion. thus there will be agreements and disagreements whenever you have a discussion.
some people agree just for the sake of keeping the peace around the table where else some disagree for the sake of disagreeing. many factors come into play when a group of people sit down in a meeting and there is a decision to be taken. the harmony among the group of people being the most important factor here. if there is harmony among the people then there will be a collective agreement to disagree or to agree.
my swamiji always says that while discussions are healthy and should be encouraged, he is quick to point out that one should always look for the reason behind one's agreement or disagreement. if someone is arguing to get a point across it is important to know the person's motive.

if he is arguing just because he needs his point of view to be accepted because he is always right, Swamiji says it is not a good thing as compared to someone who genuinely thinks that his idea would be the most suitable under the circumstances, not because it is his but because it is the most suitable. Even then Swamiji says that if the decision is going to cause disharmony then that person better take stock of the situation and withdraw from the equation.

in our centre we have the formidable Ram, the diplomatic JR, the compromising Krish, the philosophical Nat, the ever obliging Sean, the efficient impatient Joey, the no nonsense Rats and many more of different personalities. needless to say heads do roll before some decisions are actually taken. nevertheless we all chug along; humouring the ones who defy for the sake of defying, agree for the sake of agreeing, non committal ones and the ones who soldier on to get things off the ground and moving. my pranaams to all!

the impatient expecting mind

havent u come across people who ask you for something today and expect the reply yesterday? well, i have seen them only too often and yes, they irritate me no end. patience has never been one of my strong points either but the kind of people i mentioned earlier are just unbearable.
however when joey and i were working on the garden we differed only on one point. she wanted it to be a full fledged garden within a couple of hours while i could wait for about 3 days. hmmm...what a difference!
at the end of it all i was quite ashamed of myself really for lacking patience completely. Not as bad as joey, but bad enough! even my numerous attempts to lose weight have failed due to my impatience. exercising for half an hour a week and then expecting to lose 5 kilos during that time is like expecting the impossible. expectation is such a vicious thing. it almost always bring disappointments.
my swamiji always says that one should perform duties as a free expression of the mind and the soul. he says expect nothing and you will find a fountain of peace and joy. do it for the love of it and in this context, exercise because you love to exercise or do gardening because you love to do it. The end result will be bountiful when you least expect it.
meanwhile i did see joey plucking that yellow leaf off that plant and i think i heard her whispering, 'if you dont grow by tomorrow...' that was just after i had bribed them to fertilizer and growth hormones and coaxed them into growing for me in 3 days. i think we will never learn!

the joyful mind

Joey and i have been on a mission; a very therapeutic journey actually- gardening. We have managed to transform our centre garden into something so so beautiful. According to Sean it has been elevated to a higher stratum. I think so too even if I have to say it myself.
There is so much joy emanating from such a simple exercise. When I got involved in the Centre activities, it was because I wanted to and not because someone put a gun on my head. There were times when I would choose to be in the Centre rather than attend to some social obligations. It used to irk my friends no end but I remained nonchalant and continued doing what I wanted to do.
When I started doing what I did, I did it for the joy of it. I didnt expect anything in return. Somehow it has managed to boost my self confidence, self worth and self esteem because I am doing something that is so important to me.
My swamiji always says whatever you do, do it without desire or attachment. Do everything without expecting anything at all. When the desires are removed, the mind becomes still and from the stillness emanates a joy that is so fulfilling that the mind does not need anything after that.
As I helped Joey transform the garden, I did it with full dedication, commitment and enthusiasm. I had a vision of how it had to turn out and I had done the best to my ability but I left it to providence to make it happen. Somehow things happened beyond my expectations and the joy I got is unexplainable.
The fact that I am two shades darker now and my body aches at every joint...hmmm swamiji...still joyful..still joyful!