the peaceful mind

being in a peaceful state is a state of mind. a mind void of agitation, being calm, tranquil and still is considered being peaceful. i would think being joyful is being peaceful too.

how many of us can actually boast of having this peaceful state within us? the world spins at top speed making all of us mere mortals to spin with it and dance to all its tunes and fancies. from dawn to dusk man is working to make a living. we get caught up in this web called life; studying to achieve good grades first, and then going on to secure a good job in the quest to earn a good salary, and then do the 'done' thing like find a mate , get married, have children and then work even harder now to feed more mouths and educate the kids. and this entire web continues.

i have often wondered...why do we need to do this and need to do that...why do we constantly have to worry about whether the money we make this month will fulfill all our needs, or whether the children will finally get their hi-end mobile phones, or whether the house will now get the much needed paint job, or whether the trusty car will cave in sick this time... why is there a need to be responsible and do the right thing? why is there a moral responsibility to stop developers from raping the hills or why is there an emotional responsibility to take care of the old and the aged? why should there be a responsibility to declare your assets and pay your taxes? why/ why?

the other day i thought out aloud...why shouldnt i just do something rash? why shouldnt i just bang my car against the wall or just walk away from my home and kids and just sit at some place till the wee hours of the morning and not to have to worry about whether they have eaten or whether they have done their home work or whether they are warm and well...

i realised quickly enough though that i would never be able to do something like that, never been able to before and never going to be able to in the future too! simply becoz i value my peace and quiet too much i suppose. everyone yearns for a peaceful life and i am no exception. i, to a large extent, seem to equate peaceful with being joyful. all i want at the end of the day is to be able to say to myself i have used this day to the best of my capacity and that i have no regrets whatsoever as to what i have done and that i am at peace with myself and the people around me. being responsible gives me that peace of mind and that happiness.

being able to laugh at myself and all that happens around me wholeheartedly and wholesomely gives me immense peace and joy and knowing i have touched someone's heart in some way or the other gives me peace beyond explanation. being able to be of service to mankind in some small or big way is another thing that gives me so much of peace within myself.

people who experience inner peace say that the feeling is not dependent on time, people, place, or any external object or situation, asserting that an individual may experience inner peace even in the midst of war.One of the oldest writings on this subject is the Bhagavad Gita itself. My Swamiji too always tells us, the mind can be totally at peace with EVERYTHING, and yet it can be at peace with NOTHING too!

peace means different things to different people. to my mum in law, peace means being able to pray, pray and pray. my friend ambi finds peace in being able to find the best butter at the best price. letz finds his ultimate peace when he beats me 21-0 in a badminton match. joey gets her peace when she is able to walk into her class and find that all her students are paying attention to what she says and not how she looks. hmmm... molu gets her peace when she can sleep all day long!

whatever it means to anyone, it is ultimately what everyone craves for. may we all find our peace in some way or the other. Mother Theresa said, peace begins with a smile.

the friendly mind

In our own little ways we have a way we deal with every individual that crosses our path. We deal with parents in a particular way, siblings differently, acquaintances, bosses, employees in a somewhat special manner, lovers in an irritatingly sweet demeanor, enemies in a very cautious way and finally friends.

Somehow friends are the ones we always take for granted. The ones whom we think we can wake them up at 4 in the morning. After all, only if they respond to your phone call at 4 in the morning, do they really matter as friends.

This thing called friendship is such a beautiful bond. I have tried defining it and looking at it from different angles but I never did reach a proper conclusion to it. But I love the way this definition of friendship is written and I want to share it with you.

Friendships are different from all other relationships. Unlike acquaintanceship, friendship is based on love. Unlike lovers and married couples, it is free of jealousy. Unlike children and parents, it knows neither criticism nor resentment. Friendship has no status in law. Business partnerships are based on a contract. So is marriage. Parents are bound by the law. But friendships are freely entered into, freely given, freely exercised.

Stephen Ambrose.

This is so beautifully written and I think it encapsulates the entire nature of friendship to the last letter. But due to its nature, I feel that friendship is always kicked around and seldom given the respect and the attention it rightly deserves. The conclusion is always, after all he/she is ‘just a friend’… please notice the inverted commas. Friends are always referred to as ‘just friends’ and that is really sad.

I like friends of mine who mirror my thoughts before I even say it. I love the ones who know what I am thinking just by looking at my eyes. And I absolutely adore the ones who will do something for me before that thought even crossed my mind. I think that friends are important people in each one’s lives.

As we progress in life, friends who matter come along with us. Sometimes due to the nature of the friendship, some friendships just die a natural death. True friends stab you in the front, they say. But really, it is so important to have friends who will tell you your faults and shortcomings and keep you in check. It is mandatory to have friends who will stand up for you and defend your integrity and show you as you really are because the truth is one can be their true selves only with their friends.

We live in such a fast world and a fake one too where people just whizz along and smile insincere smiles, laugh fake laughs and exchange falser pleasantries. It is imperative to have good friends whom you can pick up the phone and say, humour me, I m feeling really low! Or someone to tell all your days happenings and events and you know that you are not going to be judged or criticized. Basically a someone who will understand your silence and bask in your laughter. Friends are that very special people.

Having said that, men and women treat friendships very differently. Men kick it around like a football while women treat it like a piece of glass. It is the way the world has evolved too that makes it difficult for men to have very close friendships with fellow men as intimacy among men is really scorned upon by many cultures. So men end up having this real impersonal relationships with their fellow friends but I think they have a much better time because men are generally not too sensitive and not too petty about anything. They basically just want to have a good time and enjoy some good comradeship among themselves.

Women on the other hand treat friendship like a piece of glass and it just crumbles into little pieces all the time because women are famous for their cat fights and the envys’ and the jealousies and the pettiness. Nevertheless, an intimate relationship among women is totally possible as it is not uncommon to see girl friends kissing each other or displaying affection for each other.

However friendship between men and women is the most controversial one and can lead to beautiful as well as sad endings. It takes a rare man and a rare woman indeed to have a beautiful friendship between them and it takes a rarer third party to understand the entire relationship. Fear makes strangers of men and women who would otherwise be the best of friends.
Sexual relations between two friends tend to alter the nature of friendship, either by "taking it to the next level" or by severing it. Sexual partners may also be classified as friends and the sexual relationship may either enhance or depreciate the friendship. One went as far as saying, dont ever kiss your girl 'friend' because the intimacy just kills the friendship.

I personally think men vibe much better with women and they are more comfortable sharing their woes and troubles with women rather than men because women will actually listen to them with their hearts and take it upon them to find the best solutions for them. And I have over the years found men to be the best listeners, they don’t judge, they are so generous with their compliments and make the best of friends. Each friend is special. Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. And believe it or not, the length of acquaintanceship is not as important as the intensity and the quality. Some friends leave more lasting impressions and you wonder, where was this one all my life!

Friendships though freely entered into and freely given should not be taken for granted. One has to work on it and ensure that friends are given the due respect irrespective of age or gender.

"A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often - just to save it from drying out completely."

-Pam Brown

If the friend is worth your trouble, I think the friend is worth fussing about and spoilt every now and then too.

My swamiji says, God's world contains enough safeguards for His devotees. There are operative evil influences as well as virtuous ones. By your reliance on God for your security, with that confidence and assurance, evil influences will recede. Dont think bad of anybody or his doings. Think only of the goodness in the people you meet and your mind too will be filled with goodness.

True friends are a rare breed. You can tell by the genuine laughs, the wholesome care and concern and the devotion and loyalty. If you have one like that today, I suggest you hold on to them because there not too many of them left. But before that, be a friend today. It is said you can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

the expansive mind

i know its been almost a month since i blogged anything. my swamiji was here in Malaysia together with his disciples and what can i say, it was celebration of sorts for all of us at the ashram here in PJ and also for all the devotees who thronged from far and near to see him. we also pulled off a half day mega event which saw a strength of 800 participants much to swamiji's delight and my relief! my mind is obviously not expanded enough to imbibe the whole of swamiji's vision and teachings because he had anticipated this crowd while i just worked hard hoping the crowd would come. and the crowd did come making our whole effort so worth our while and it was a power packed session. for those who attended and listened intently, the take come would have been clear... the mind is wide and expansive.

swamiji says, we view the entire petronas twin towers through our little beady eyes. (my eyes are a little bigger) and the entire picture of all its might and glory gets embedded in the seat of our minds. we can now describe each of its detail, the steely magnificence, the height, the width and its breadth. now imagine...how wide is our mind? we are capable of imagining a lot more in this mind of ours apart from the magnificent petronas twin towers. take the himalayas now. the snow capped peaks of the himalayas are all so clear in our minds the moment our eyes makes an impression of it. our mind is actually so so powerful and big. it has the capacity to retain and to reproduce what we see and think of.

swamiji says think of the ganges. the ganges water flows with all the mud and the filth and the muck. he says our mind is like that too. we are actually pure too but we have so many constrictions in our mind. we have desires, we have expectations, we have attachments, we have greed, we have possessiveness, we have hatred, we have fear. drop all of them swamiji says. drop your desires. drop your expectations. eliminate fear. practise detachment. learn to love wholesomely and wholeheartedly.

swamiji says think society. have a societal dimension, swamiji says. he says the moment we walk out of our house, we walk onto the road or the pavement that is built by the society for our convenience. dont you think we owe it in us to give back to society what society gives to you? he says, you are part of your family and your family is part of the society. and the society is part of the country. learn to think society. expand your mind to include the whole world in your mind. be tolerant of society. be loving to society. think nationwide. inculcate national feelings. love for the country, love for your society, love for your family should only be secondary as compared the broader picture.

swamiji says the mind is such a beautiful thing. the beauty of this mind is that it can be happy with all the material objects. and yet this mind can be happy with NOTHING too! lets us all be happy with nothing because at the end of the day we have nothing on us and with us. we came to this world with nothing and we will leave with nothing too. lets train our mind to be happy with NOTHING. understand that happiness comes from within and not from some material object outside. our mind has got the huge potential to generate this happiness and wholesomeness without anything tangible and that is what we have to strive for.

recently, i lost something very dear to me and i was devastated. i almost lost my mind thinking about it. i still do think about it every now and then because i cannot believe that it is gone from me. but it is foolhardy to hang on to possessions and think that it is yours because then attachment and desire set in and before you know it possessiveness has already reared its ugly head and all this can only result in hatred and fear and jealousy. it is a difficult process to train the mind to just look within for all the happiness it needs. but i have started my journey. may i be able to draw the strength and inspiration from within me to succeed. at the end of the day, you are your own master and only you can do it! the mind is BIG enough to heal, to create, to forgive, to forget, to play, to laugh, to sing, to dance, to cry, to rejoice and to do whatever else that you so desire! Jaigurudev!

the loving mind

this word 'love' must be the most misconstrued word in the english language. the fact that it means a lot of things to a lot of people must be the beginning of all the confusions.

the word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure to intense interpersonal attraction. this diversity of meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states. as an abstract concept love is normally described as a sort of intense feeling that one feels for another human being that you cant quite put your finger on. like it defies logic or explanation or even creed or caste . it could be some sort of passionate desire, romantic or unromantic relationship, intimacy or just plain serious liking.

i used to think that love but happens only once in your life and that once it comes, it should be your end all and be all. not true! love is a beautiful feeling that overcomes us every time we give ourselves to another human being. and there is so much of love to be given around. i dont think anyone has a short supply of love in themselves to be given out. and the biggest challenge in love is, i suppose, not being loved back! but somehow the one who loves can only gain by the experience because being in love is such a beautiful experience albeit it being a lil bit of everything not so pleasant in the case of unrequited love. Love has got nothing to do with what you hope to get but everything to do with what you have to give which is EVERYTHING.

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage." Lao Tzu

how does this love develop between two individuals? for me it has always been a combination of a lof of factors. Alain de Botton sums up the lovers language so beautifully that it seems a shame not to just quote him.
The more familiar two people become, the more the language they speak together departs from that of the ordinary, dictionary-defined discourse. Familiarity creates a new language, an in-house language of intimacy that carries reference to the story the two lovers are weaving together and that cannot be readily understood by others.

my latest young reader, mkshiv, quoted Mother Theresa and posed a question to me some days back. she asked me, how do you expect to love God whom you cant see when you dont love human beings whom you can see?
well, love demands certain qualities in a person. the idea of love does not conquer it all but acts of love such as patience, understanding, selflessness, sacrifice and compassion would be vital ingredients in people who love. though it comes across as second nature to many, love does not come so easily to everyone. to a lot of people being in love is baring their soul and making them vulnerable to other human beings. opening one's self to another does not come so easily to many. not to mention all the ego and the pride that is present that stops them from confessing love or even admitting to themselves that just maybe some other soul has managed to touch their heart somewhere. and yes, how do you profess to love God then?

this other friend of mine Chel said to me that true love happens only once and that is the love he shares with his wife. Chel and i debated on this issue of love and i decided to write about it this time around. he says that any other love professed by him would be hypocritical as he would not be able to fulfill his obligations as a lover or a partner etc. i dont necessarily agree with him on this one.

however, Chel's opinion brings me to look at the cultural view held by the Turkish.
apparently in Turkish the word "love" comes up with several meanings. a person can love god, a person, the parents or the family. but that person can "love" just one person from the opposite sex which they refer to as "ask". Ask is a feeling to love, as it still is in Turkish today. the Turks use this word just for their romantic loves in a romantic or sexual sense. if a Turk says that he is in love (ask) with somebody, it is not a love that a person can feel for his or her parents; it is just for one person and it indicates a huge infatuation.

whatever views that you hold steadfastly to, i suppose as long as love does figure out somewhere in your life and in your vocabulary you cant be too bad a person.

Studies have shown that brain scans of those infatuated by love display a resemblance to those with a mental illness. Love creates activity in the same area of the brain that hunger, thirst, and drug cravings create activity in. New love, therefore, could possibly be more physical than emotional. Over time, this reaction to love mellows, and different areas of the brain are activated, primarily ones involving long-term commitments.
Dr. Andrew Newberg, a neuroscientist, suggests that this reaction to love is so similar to that of drugs because without love, humanity would die out.

In the spiritual sense, love holds a much greater meaning and it encompasses the entire creation on earth. Vedanta stresses the point that all beings originate from the same source and therefore to hate anyone would be equivalent to hating your own self.

My swamiji says, economically one may be below mark, but in giving out emotions, sentiments, in pouring out love and affection, none in this world need be poor, lowly or underprivileged. these sentiments are lavishly available in everyone's heart- be he an aristocrat or a beggar. one has to only to share these. those who do not or cannot extend these, i consider them as impoverished hypocrites.

Its a case where if you have love, you dont need anything else. But if you dont have love, then it doesnt matter what else you have. However it is not easy to be in love continuously and to keep that love. You need to constantly work on it to keep it going. Leo Buscaqlia says and i quote;

"Perfect love is rare indeed - for to be a lover will require that you continually have the subtlety of the very wise, the flexibility of the child, the sensitivity of the artist, the understanding of the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint, the tolerance of the scholar and the fortitude of the certain."

Bhakti is a Sanskrit term meaning 'loving devotion to the supreme God'. A person who practices bhakti is called a bhakta or a devotee. love or devotion is the easiest path to god realisation. this can be attained by wholesomely devoting oneself to the holy people and the holy scriptures and developing dispassion towards worldly things. by giving my swamiji the supreme position in my life I hope i will be guided as to how to cultivate supreme love for the lord, how to develop desirelessness, how to develop dispassion and how to reach the pinnacle of devotion.

Love for the lord makes you see the lord in every thing, in all creatures, in all the moving and the non-moving objects. Wherever we see, whomever we see and whatever we see, we should see the lord alone. Love in its purest form...

However i have always felt that the one who loves himself/herself the best is the one who knows how to love another human being. So above everything, love yourself. Then love everyone else. Whether it is love for the human being or love for the supreme lord, it is giving yourself wholesomely and whole heartedly. At the end of the day, it is the one who loves who is enriched by the entire experience. Love unconditionally, expect nothing in return, be emphatic and remember to say 'i love you'. The love we have in us is God's gift to us. What we do with it is our gift to God.

the tolerant mind

i was at a loss as to what to write when Letz suggested to me perhaps i should write about tolerance and what it entails. well tolerance is such a big word but i doubt whether its definition embraces the broad range of skills we need in order to live together peacefully. well, that is what tolerance basically means.

In its Declaration on the Principles of Tolerance, UNESCO offers a definition of tolerance that most closely matches our philosophical use of the word:

Tolerance is respect, acceptance and appreciation of the rich diversity of our world's cultures, our forms of expression and ways of being human. Tolerance is harmony in difference.

We view tolerance as a way of thinking and feeling — but most importantly, of acting — that gives us peace in our individuality, respect for those unlike us, the wisdom to discern humane values and the courage to act upon them.

Now thats more like it. it encompasses such a wide spectrum that tolerance should be written in capitals and in bold and then engraved onto everybody's minds. what touched me most is the word respect. respect manages to make itself known as an important ingredient in every aspect of human relationships. somehow there is nothing without mutual respect for each other. big, small, tall, short, black, white, poor, rich, ugly, beautiful and all the other various opposites of the world can do well in their lives with a dose of respect from each other. once respect is there, the tolerance will automatically arise. i am reminded of a saying at this point. i dunno who said this but it is a personal favourite of mine.

"how far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong because someday in life you will have been all of these."

tolerance calls for us to see beyond the act, accept and appreciate whatever has taken place and live in harmony with the world. somehow it is easier to tolerate strangers. when it comes to tolerating loved ones, we always have a problem. is it because it does not matter one way or the other when we are dealing with strangers? why cant we have the same amount of tolerance with our children, our spouses, our parents, our friends and associates? is it a case where we take loved ones for granted and expect them to behave in a particular manner? where is our sense of respect? tolerance comes from respect!

Eric Hoffer says this very beautifully.

"The capacity for getting along with our neighbor depends to a large extent on the capacity for getting along with ourselves. The self-respecting individual will try to be as tolerant of his neighbor's shortcomings as he is of his own."

it is not just relationships that require tolerance. cultures, religions, beliefs and dogmas will thrive with sensitivity and acceptance and tolerance from human beings. how is it that my belief becomes more powerful than that of my friend's? and due to intolerance there is a disagreement between the both of us. why cant we just accept and appreciate it? tolerance comes from acceptance and appreciation!

my swamiji says, whatever you do, wherever you are, with whatever persons, places or thoughts you interact- in everything the same Atma, the same atmic experience, the same sublimation should be felt. Sukha (joy) and Dukha (misery) are both expressions of the self. as you are at home with Sukha, so should you be at home with Dukha. The idea is to sublimate the bitterness of the mind in facing an unpleasant situation so as the love for pleasant interactions. Sukha and Dukha are the final subjective outcome of all interactions in our life. As are laughter and smile beautiful expressions of the Self, so are the tears and grief too. when will you have this samatva? (the ability to see both in the same manner)

Basically if we have the dispassion to treat both joy and misery in the same manner, we would be able to tolerate people, places and events. If we can tolerate the good that brings joy, cant we then tolerate the bad too that brings about misery? If only we understand that it is the same very mind that produces both joy and sorrow. tolerance comes from dispassion!

at home, at the work place, at the market; in short all our interactions in the world depend on tolerance. on how well we tolerate people, places and event.

Rene Dubos said Human diversity makes tolerance more than a virtue; it makes it a requirement for survival.
tolerance is a quality that everyone should imbibe to ensure the smooth running of your life. the moment one party feels the 'why should i tolerate you?' feeling, that is when unpleasantness occur. rifts in relationships and marriages often happen due to lack of tolerance. then again i always think that if the other party really meant something to you and if you have that dispassion, that respect, that appreciation and that acceptance, wont you just tolerate? wont you just live and let live? wont you just compromise? tolerance comes from compromise!

tolerance has ended up being a much bigger word than i expected. we live in a multi racial, multi faceted society. we all have our own quirks. joey has this stubborn streak that would put even mules to shame. suguna has no sense of timing. sean has this sugary sweet irritating ways. letz has a temper of a tyrant and the jealousy of a green goblin. ram has the ability of making everyone else seem imperfect. the list can go on and on.my quirks are endless too but at the end of the day, i have to learn to live in harmony with all of them. it can only be through tolerance. tolerance is a big word indeed!

the shraddha-full mind

we are trying to figure out what shraddha is. it is a topic so close to my heart that a day doesnt pass without me thinking if i have enough of it.

i grew up hearing this word often enough from my parents. and at that time my understanding of the word was in its basic and common meaning. my mother tongue is malayalam and this word 'shraddha' means putting your attention to whatever you are doing. mom used to say, do it with shraddha and you will not make mistakes. after so many years, i find the word staring me in the face yet again and this time in its true sanskrit form and honestly i didnt think it would have so much profundity.

my swamiji quotes the Gita when he speaks of shraddha saying that it is a man with shraddha who attains jnana. for the uninitiated, jnana actually means knowledge, wisdom or even self realisation. the Gita equals an attentive mind to a knowledgable one. the Gita says, if man has his senses under control and exercises shraddha in all that he does, he would be able to attain jnana. swamiji goes a step further by saying that not only do you need to keep your senses under control, you also need to find joy in everything that you are doing be it a small job or the most serious one. he says if you do not find joy in everything that you do it means that you do not have shraddha. and if you dont have enough shraddha, you are not giving enough importance to jnana. makes sense?

we were discussing this matter in our satsang on sunday and sugi actually made a very pertinent statement. she said maybe shraddha is all about being NOW! being in the present moment! and yes, it is. how can you have shraddha if you are not in the present moment? krish gave us an example of how a student went up to his zen sifu asking to be elevated to the sifu status. the sifu just asked him one question and the student was baffled. the sifu asked him, when you came into my room on which side of the door did you leave your foot wear? the student had to think a moment and contemplate whether it was the right or the left. it straightaway goes to show that the student did not have enough shraddha. he was not in the present moment.

shraddha is so important in every aspect of our everyday life. it is more often the little details that make you stand out as having shraddha. a neat and tidy person can come across as boring and unexciting but the shraddha that the person has towards being all that speaks volumes about the person that he/she is. we are all shraddha-full in our own little ways. i call it selective shraddha. uncle avg in our centre thrives on getting us the best bananas for breakfast. ram is so shraddha-full of the flowers and the way we offer those petals to swamiji. joey has this no compromise shraddha when it comes to anything and everything with regards to swamiji. letz is irritatingly tidy, methodical and very neat with his appearance, his work and the way he speaks. thats his selective shraddha.

my shraddha for details irritates everyone. i might not put the light off when i leave a room or even lock the door when i leave but i will know if the furniture is not in a straight line or if my bathroom is not the way i want it to be. little things like giving and receiving a firm handshake would tell me volumes about the person on the other end. similarly my shraddha for looking a person in the eye when talking! they are little details but they are my selective shraddhas. words spoken is another area where shraddha is so important. more often than not, it is not so much what you say that is important; it is how you say it. i never used to give this area much of an attention as i was always a very direct and matter of fact person. i still am very direct and matter of fact but i am learning to put more shraddha into the way words are delivered because it makes such a big difference to the person hearing it.

shraddha, thank god, can be developed! so lets get going people. lets not be selective anymore. lets have more shraddha and lets develop it in every aspect of our life.

my swamiji says, shraddha is to be cultivated with a view to discover one's own disharmonies, distractions, slips and inattentions and to remove them outright. So, everyday, every moment from now on, i want you to do whatever is to be done, joyfully and lovingly. do whatever is necessary, and do it well!

we have the cue, wait no more!

the desireless mind

desire can be defined as a strong wish or craving. however, desire would come out sounding different in different situations. for example, in the economic point of view, it would be classified as a want. in your anxious mission to amass wealth, power and name it might even be called greed. desiring something in the sexual sense or an intense craving for sexual gratification will be classified being lusty. meanwhile, a desire to convert a thought to an action will be called a motivation.

our entire existence revolves around desires. from the time we wake up till the point we sleep we have some desires or the other. the classical view is that human beings aim to be productive, happy, secure and liberated in their lifetime. (in hinduism it is often referred to as dharma, artha, kaama and moksha) basically in one lifetime a human being would have done his fair share of the first 3 aims. liberation is something everyone seeks for at the end eventually! but at the end of the day the main desire for a human being is to be happy. everything is done with the aim to be happy.

it starts from the very beginning when the little baby cries for its milk when it is hungry. the moment its hunger has been appeased, it stops crying and the baby is happy. it goes goo goo gaa gaa and is ready to take on the world. this goes on and on till the child is an adult. i will be happy only when i get my bungalow or my 7 series beemer. of course once the adult gets his high powered car, he is happy for awhile. even in this transient happiness, there is a sense of agitation because his happiness is so dependant on some external factor. what if he loses his possession? wont he then lose his happiness too? then what?

as long as there is unfulfilled desires, the mind will be in agitation. and when the desires are fulfilled, there is happiness but there is also a sense of anxiety as to the possibility of loss. the mind yo yo s between being temporarily happy and agitated at the thought of loss of possession. the mind goes through an endless cycle of agitation, happiness and anxiety and this is a vicious cycle with indeed no end in sight. This creates undue worry and tension and can lead to sickness and premature death.

i hear my lady friends lamenting, i desire to wear all my diamonds and gold but i cant wear them as i may lose them to the robbers. hmmm...i have guy friends who say to me, i just want to be able to date 'her' once and i will be happy. but does it stop there? after one date, the desire is for one kiss and the list is endless. what next? letz said to me, my kids have to get maximum number of 'As' in their examinations, only then i would be happy. while desire is the very basis motivating you to do everything in your life, it does not need to be so!

my swamiji says,

Any kind of desire causes disturbance and it is also impure. Think on the basis: "I am the Self and the Self is blissful. Blissful as I am, I don't have to seek any further blissfulness. So, any kind of desire to add anything, is intrinsically wrong and it is contradictory to the concept of the blissful Self that I am."

We are all living in this world. Our birth is not a result of our desire. It has taken place. We are not going to die either, because of our desire. As we grow, small desires start cropping up in our mind and these become bigger and deeper as the age advances. Life itself is the duration between an undesired birth and undesired death. In between these two, why should desire intervene at all?

much as i undersand what my swamiji says i also know how difficult it is to be desire free. i want to eat my vegetarian char koay teow tomorrow. part of my little desire of course. once i am done with that i want a little pampering in that new spa in town. maybe a manicure, maybe a pedicure. who knows i might even get lucky at the races tomorrow. but you know what? I could have the entire experience in my head. act it all out and get the very similar enjoyment. In fact it might even be better because in my experience i would only imagine the most perfect scenario. might not be the best method but what the heck, it works!

lets get one thing straight here. we dont need desires to make us tick. we have this potential energy in us that is capable of making us do things. lets understand that and not be blinded by desires. Realise that desires only make us miserable!

the learning mind

Last Sunday, Joey and i were having this animated conversation about some important issues in our centre and she would at every pause prompt me to complete the sentence or do a , are you thinking what i'm thinking bit! In the end of it all i had to relent and tell her to give me the whole story because we basically didnt think alike. i was guessing dog when she actually meant cat and she would mean frog when i would think prince. the long and short of it is that we attach too many meanings to simple situations. we doubt people's sincerity. we question people's generosity. our excuse is that experience has taught us to be wary. people, places and events have made us what we are today and the learning continues day in day out.

it is said that even the wisest among us have much to learn and learning is a continuous process. if you look at it we learn something almost every minute. nature teaches us to be humble, teaches us to be respectful and it also teaches us to be patient. the rising, the setting and the rising again of the sun teaches us to be hopeful. the birds rebuilding their nests after a storm teaches us resilience and the way the ants rally behind each other in support teaches us togetherness and harmony. every second, every minute, every hour, every day, every week, every month, every year is a learning process. there is much to be learned from everyday interactions. there is much to be learned from the birds and the bees and the flowers and the mountains.

Kahlil Gibran cites the example of the bees and the flowers when he talks when distinguishing good and bad pleasure. He says, 'go to your fields and your gardens and you shall learn that it is the pleasure of the bee to gather honey of the flower, but it is also the pleasure of the flower to yield its honey to the bee. For to the bee, a flower is a fountain of life and to the flower; a bee is the messenger of love. And to both bee and flower, the giving and the receiving of pleasure is a need and an ecstasy.' Its such an insight into the human relationship making it absolutely beautiful and meaningful to both parties involved. At which point do you cry rape? Has circumstances and the harshness of human civilization brought an end to this beautiful illustration?

Similarly, there is much to be learned from little children too. An average four year old would laugh out loud and wholeheartedly at least three hundred times a day where else an adult would probably clock about fifteen times in a day. Now do you blame the rising blood pressure, the flying tempers, the bickering and the impatience? Laughter is literally medicine for the soul and if we could only emulate the little children and not take things so seriously, not read between the lines so much, not distrust so much, not hate so much, not be suspicious so much and learn to be childlike in all our dealings as much as we can. i have learned that as long as i am laughing i can never be that sad or that disillusioned by anything that is happening in the world. joey and i spend a lot of time laughing. my friend sue makes me laugh even in the most critical of times. letz has an excellent sense of humour while sean and ukie can giggle like little school boys.

then again this learning process is only applicable to those who wish to learn. one can have the most qualified of teachers and the best of schools but if the student himself decides that he does not want to learn then there is nothing that you can do about it. i am talking about structured learning as in education in schools and colleges. even otherwise, if you know that you need to improve yourself but refuse to do so it could be courting trouble.

Robin Sharma in his The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari speaks of people who claim they have no time to learn or to improve themselves even when they know that what they are doing is highly stressful and doing them no good. He says, saying you have no time to improve yourself, mentally or spiritually, is much like saying you do not have time to stop for gas because you are too busy driving. Eventually it will catch up with you!' He says that taking time off from your hectic schedule for self improvement and personal enrichment will not only improve your effectiveness but also you will emerge feeling far better and empowered.

Swamiji says that the mind can grow only by a mental process. A mental process by which you must feel for the improvement and you must get attuned to the improvement. You must reflect: 'It is not enough that i remain like this. These traits are making my mind black. I must make my mind pure. I dont want an impure mind.' He says, this kind of self revolt must be there in everyone without any irritation or frustration. Basically Swamiji is talking about the quest to continuously learn and to improve ourselves every minute, every day!

Swamiji talks about spending mind hours, 12 mind hours to be specific, on each quality that you wish to learn and to imbibe. Robin Sharma says doing something continuously for 21 days would make it a habit.

lets continue to learn and to improve ourselves, making us better not bitter people. lets learn to treat people with kindness, learn to smile like you really mean it, learn to laugh out loud with all your heart and soul, learn to forgive and forget, learn to live like it is your last day on earth, learn to make ammends, learn to love everyone around you, learn to be appreciative of and grateful for the simple pleasures in life, learn to treat people with respect, learn to slow down and take time to smell the roses, learn to see the good in others and learn to look inward for crucial answers. ultimately happiness lies within us and only we ourselves can unearth that through the learning process.

Joey, you and i might not think alike but we surely do enjoy the good laughs that we share. may we be totally contagious!

the parenting mind

half a year has gone by so swiftly and for someone like me who has a memory of a sieve, it appears as too swift for its own good as i can still remember what i did on new year's eve. similarly, my boys have grown too, right before me. i cud swear my older boy was still shorter than me end of last year. children grow up so fast...just like the passing half year. my 14 year old has become taller than me and his father and my 12 year old is not too far behind. just seems like yesterday when i was carrying them all bundled up in nice blue flannel blankets, they wailing away and i, wishing they came out with a set of instructions.

i have been a mom for 14 years now and i still dont know if i am doing the right thing with them. and i suppose i will never know as there is no such thing as the right thing or the wrong thing when it comes to parenting. we only do what we think is best for our kids and most of the time it is the maternal instincts that just take over for good measure. the only thing i know is that i am doing my best for them and i hope and pray every night that they both turn out alright, be in good health, become responsible citizens of the world and be good human beings.

however, in this man eat man world it is extremely competitive and parents today are guilty of dragging their children into it sooner than their time. children today are exposed to so many things that are both good and bad making them grow up instantaneously. parents often bribe their children with gifts rather than their time. children are also fed with the competitive spirit right from a young age making them opportunists and also a tad selfish at times. abundance has made children a little ungrateful and somehow to have a lackadaisical attitude towards possessions however expensive they may be.

somehow one can never blame the children fully because at the end of the day they are children and even the law protects them. it is up to we parents to instill in them good values, good morals
and filial piety. having said that we are guilty of yet another 'crime'. in our overzealousness to make them smart and clever and as good as so and so's son or daughter we tend to suffocate them and make them fit into a mould that they might not fit in. we impose our values and our belief systems and our code of ethics.
Kahlil Gibran says this about children and i have to quote this as it is so beautiful:

Your children are not your children
They are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you
You may give them your love but not your thoughts
For they have their own thoughts
You may house their bodies but not their souls
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

it is so true as children have a mind of their own and left to their own devices, their personality just comes shining through. in my anxiousness to protect my boys i have fought their battles, spoon fed them, done their home work, guarded them like a hawk and even stifled their space. but i have learned to let go. to let them be their own person without them emulating me or their father. i have learned to have no expectations from them even though this is a very very difficult task. i am unfortunately still learning! i am learning never to compare my boys with each other as they are both unique in their own special ways. i am learning to trust their judgement and be dispassionate about the results as they have to make their mistakes their own way.

my swamiji says, do not insist on your children to do as you wish. Your rigidity will be harmful for them. With age and maturity the children should be allowed to act as they think best and benefit by it. If they make mistakes, they should be allowed to try again and learn from their actions. Having undue expectations from your children will only bring suffering. Cut your coat according to the cloth available. Want and desire only to the extent possible in the given situation. Understand the potential of your children and use your reasoning to keep away excess thoughts or wishes. Lovingly accept them as they are. You cannot wish for a change; that is impossible. The sun will not become cold and ice will not be hot either. As a confession or warning, you may share what you feel with your children. Not more than that.

the inability to let go of one's children is the biggest obstacle for many parents. my parents still treat me like a baby, imposing their views and beliefs on me. may i learn to rise above it all and realise that all worldly relations and whatever i possess in this world will after all be left behind and that there is nothing i can possess or take with me. may i have Swamiji's grace to show me the way!

the marrying mind

i celebrated my 20th wedding anniversary today; the 25th june. at an age where couples hardly cross 2 years, i think my 20 years is a big achievement.
so much has been said about marriages but i dont think anything comes close to what Kahlil Gibran said in The Prophet
'you were born together and together you shall be for evermore
you shall be together even in the silent memory of God
but let there be spaces in your togetherness
and let the winds of heavens dance between you.

love one another but make not a bond of love
let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
fill each other's cups but drink not from one cup
give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf

sing and dance together and be joyous but let each one of you be alone.
stand together yet not too near together
for the pillars of the temple stand apart
and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
-Kahlil Gibran-
I personally think no one has described the human relationship in a marriage better than this. How many can profess to have a relationship like this in these times? today there is so much of discord and problems among married couples and more often than not marriages do not last. trivial things can lead to divorce among couples. men and women are both independent and hold good jobs making them financially stable and very rarely do couples compromise and stay back in the marriage for financial security. there is no sanctity in the institution of marriage anymore making it a contract just like pie crusts; made to be broken.

having said that, there is nothing more painful than to see a marriage fail. over the years i have witnessed friends giving up on their marriages and i have often wondered if thats all the years between them meant. but only they would know the problems that they have gone through and it would be absolutely unfair on my part to comment on whose fault it is.

on my part i feel that the most important aspect of a marriage is the very big 'C' word...COMPROMISE! my husband and i have had our share of fights but i guess we have known when and where to compromise and settle our differences. i suppose if there is plenty of love between the couple and the will to stay married no matter what, the couple will work hard to keep the institution going. believe me it is a lot of hard work; because it is a very thin line between love and hate.

my Swamiji says do not dwell upon the discrepancies and maladjustments with your married partner. In love between partners, every excess is excused; every lack is condoned. After all, for everyone the world is a square peg in a round hole. Even though one has a choice as to whom he or she is marrying, there is limitation on all sides. As long as life has to be lived, it has to be lived well. One should be able to live well with the partner. Have love for each other. There are instances of incompatible alliances, but the husband still lives with the wife. If either is not able to live well with the other, there is an inadequacy in him or her.

every marriage should have a large helping of kahlil gibran and an overdose of Swamiji and i am sure we will have majority couples celebrating golden anniversaries. i m grateful for the twenty years with my husband and i pray for many many more happy years ahead. for all of you out there who have been married for as long as i have been, or more than me or a little less than me may you all find happiness in your marriage and dont forget to inculcate a kahlil gibran and swamiji into your marriages. happy anniversary husband!

the grateful mind

i feel compelled to apologise for the delay in posting this blog. nothing i say is going to make much sense to all of you wonderful people who keep reading my postings; rather it may sound like lame excuses. so i am going to take the easy way out and just say sorry...

my holiday was a great success story; meaning i am grateful that the flights were on time, my luggages didnt get lost, all of us got to and from the destinations in one piece and in good health, my bags were not opened by the Australian customs and hence avoiding further delays whatsoever. I am also very grateful that the weather in Perth was very accommodating, good friends to take us places and extremely friendly people making our stay a memorable one.

my one week in Perth however taught me many other things that i have to be grateful about and that is my own land, Malaysia. it is so true that one can appreciate one's own land only when there is a comparison and i kept comparing Perth to Kuala Lumpur at every opportunity and the more i compared, the more grateful i became that i live where i do, the bounty that our land has to offer and the rich culture and heritage of our land kept surfacing in my mind more and more.

as usual it wasnt the big things that bothered me but the little things like how the Aussies start drinking alcohol from 10 in the morning, how the shops close at 5 in the evening, how nothing works in the weekends, how kids and teenagers dress weird but think they look cool, how porn and sex is so freely available, how the exchange rate to our currency is absolutely ridiculous. (unfortunately it is of no fault of theirs) when i went to my cousin's house there i kept remembering my own home and how my trustworthy indonesian'kakak' keeps my house spotlessly clean and has a warm meal waiting for us at any time we require one. my cousin unfortunately has to rely on a part time lady who comes once a week and charges a bomb.


having said that, i have to add that i am grateful that i made that trip because Perth has so much to teach us too. the way they take conservation and going green so seriously made me take a step back and seriously re think the way i have been dealing with recycling and mother earth. Australia takes a serious view on landfills and land mines and goes all out in its effort to combat global warming. their views on plastics, not abusing mother earth, their town planning are all very commendable. the city is also absolutely clean and the public toilets a delight to any tourist. the public transport efficient and the people of the land courteous and polite.

like every other thing on this earth, we have our pluses and our minuses. lets be grateful for the pluses and doubly gratified for being able to see the minuses so that we can be grateful for the pluses!

My swamiji always says; to overcome the mind's characteristic delusions, treat it in the factory of devotion and gratefulness through reading, through utterances, through favourable associations, through hope, through clarity and through optimism.

i for one am grateful for my association with my Gurudev, grateful for the wonderful family i am born into and the beautiful family i have gone into, grateful for all the excellent people out there who have made such an impact on my life and love me for who i am, grateful for all the people who have crossed my path and taught me life's important lessons, grateful for the shopping malls that go on being open till i tire of them, grateful for my indonesian kakak who makes my life easier, grateful for my trusty four wheels that takes me places, grateful for the air i breathe and most importantly grateful to be alive, in good health, and being able to smile every morning to yet another cheery day. May i continue to be grateful for all that comes to me and may i always remember that the one who allows the storms into my life also brings in the rainbows.

Take a moment today and list down ten things you are grateful for. I bet once you start listing them, the list would be endless. We have plenty to be grateful for; believe me!

the wandering mind

every now and then the mind is taken to wandering...taking a walk on its own, going on a holiday. Could be virtual or real. I remember vaguely this movie with arnold wats his name on it going on a virtual holiday and enjoying it just the same.

well i m off on a holiday for a week. not a virtual one though. i m actually going for real. with the family, bags and baggage, husband and kids...

will tell u all about it when i am back. till then please bear with me. keep the mind intact. keep it dispassionate and most importantly keep it fearless.

when my wandering mind comes back i will hopefully be rejuvenated and re energized to start off yet another half of the year. see, there i go again having expectations. anyway, i m off guys. take care. will cu when i get back.

the fearless mind

just this morning Letz asked me what my simple pleasures in life would be and that got me smiling and grinning. from the top of my head, yea, little things like walking bare foot in the beach, the smell of grass after a rain, cuddling up under the blanket, laughing myself silly and the list is actually quite endless with lots more this and that. but when Letz asked me what would be the single most thing that would give me most pleasure i took a step back and thought for a moment and i figured that the single most thing would be to become completely fearless.

people have different kinds of fears. a child would fear not seeing its mother, a slightly older child would fear the wrath of his parents if he misbehaved, an adult would fear not having a roof over his head or not having enough money in his pocket, an older adult would fear not having anyone to take care of him/her in their old age and the list of fears are, unfortunately, quite endless.

right from a young age kids are fed with fears. dont do this, dont say that, dont take this, dont look there. naturally they grow up with all these fears firmly planted in their heads. by the time they are young adults they have so many more fears included into their already long list and my guess is as good as yours as to the kind of fears they have by the time they become adults.

fear can be real. fear can also be imaginary. fear can be self imposed. fear can also be justified. whatever it is, fear is something we can all do without. when i got robbed a couple of years ago, i was very upset with the people who did that to me because they took away the sense of security i felt in my own home and i felt cheated and dejected. i was fearful in my own home and that i think is the worst feeling of all. i also fear balloons. i think they have a way of creeping up to me and suddenly going 'pop!' however i wont go screaming and running if a van stops by me and a few guys come out of it. they have got out because it is their stop. joey has a vivid imagination and in her imaginative mind she fears for her life and runs...well, thats joey for you!

joey would also run for her life if she sees lizards or cockroaches. well, i have seen many people do that too. the poor insects are probably more scared of us humans, but of course we just fear them with all our lives. then there is the fear of the unknown. what if there is someone lurking behind the bushes? or what if there is some unseen force waiting beyond the wall? i asked a guy once as to why he would never take the initiative to talk to a girl and he said to me what if she takes her slipper and hits me or what if she just walks away. there is fear of being rejected there. and when u ask a girl why she doesnt approach a guy and she says what if he thinks i am too forward or bold. once again there is fear.

my swamiji says that of all the gifts you can give someone, the most priceless of them all is the great gift of fearlessness. And this comes about by imparting spiritual wisdom. Swamiji says, look into your heart, the deeper level of your mind, and from there bring forth whatever you want. When the summer becomes very severe, sometimes the well goes dry. What do we do? We deepen the well and get little more water. Similarly, you have to dig out a deeper and loftier dimension from your mind. Understand that the mind has got enormous dimensions. Never feel defeated. Never be subdued by fear. Always have confidence.

just as i was fearing the worst; that i might not get to sleep tonight, that i might not finish writing this blog tonight, that Letz will check my blog tomorrow and still find it not updated; Swamiji has come to my rescue and given me his take on the matter. these fears got to go. these fears are constrictions of the mind. i think i will blow the balloons for the next birthday party. i know two birthdays coming up. ram is turning ...never mind how old...on the 27th and joey becomes a year younger this 29th. to both of them may you have a fearless birthday and remember i am blowing the balloons!

the wise mind

when i was growing up i was never too much into sanskrit slokas or prayers of any kind. not that i am too hot about any of them now either. but there used to be this particular prayer that i hung on to like dear life and a day did not pass me by when i did not utter this prayer when i woke up in the morning.
it goes like this: dear god, give me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to see the difference.

even though i have never really managed to imbibe the full essence of the prayer, i have i must say tried very hard to remember it at least in times of trouble. for instance when i had that flat tyre on the highway. lucky for me i remembered in the nick of time that cursing the flat tyre would not fix it but being nice to the big burly policeman who happened to be there (my little blessings in life) might just about avoid me from getting my white linen pants all soiled and mushy. a smile, that five cents face i normally reserve for emergencies and 'the oh you are soh kind...' did wonders for me. that was a perfect situation where i used both serenity and courage to come out of a difficult predicament.

however, i fail miserably everyday when i sit in my car, in the midst of a terrible traffic jam cursing everyone and everything right from the traffic lights up to the frail old man in his rickety morris minor who is slowing down the traffic. somehow intelligence just flies out of the window during times like this and the mind can see no reason. would have been extremely gratifying if i could just yank up the volume on my cd player and sing along with the song and accept the moment as something beyond my control. but no! i insist on doing everything except that!

there are things we can change and there are some we cant. cant we just accept these gracefully? cant we employ some wisdom to see that some things are here to stay and that come rain, come shine they will be there. and that some other things if deliberated with care and executed with a dose of courage could be a thing of the past.

my swamiji quotes from chapter 2 of the Gita when he says, understand that life is an interaction between our senses and the objects of the world. and this interaction is bound to produce the mutually opposite reactions called happiness and unhappiness. this by the very nature of our life cannot be dispensed with. what is possible and necessary, he says, is a cultured indifference towards both of them.
swamiji of course calls to avoid preference towards happiness or prejudice towards pain. he instead asks us to accept both heartily. he says, why grumble and complain when you know that both are inevitable and that both together constitute our life. be at home and content with whatever that comes and goes...
joey normally goes red in the face when things are not going her way and sean has a way of laughing his troubles away. ram goes all quiet while i just start hyperventilating. everyone deals with adversity in the way they know best! i would like to think that if we exercise some wisdom we would be able to overcome this predicament. traffic jams, lost luggages, rainy days, tangled christmas lights and unrequited love stories are here to stay, like it or not. how we deal with them shows character of the mind.
swamiji says, once you develop a cultured indifference to pain and pleasure, you can develop courage, determination and above all WISDOM!

the dispassionate mind

being dispassionate means not influenced by strong feelings or not affected by personal or emotional involvement. a state of mind that Swamiji always advocates all of us at the Ashram to adhere to.
unfortunately it is neither simple nor possible for the mere mortals especially for someone like me who is very passionate, quite emotional and the degree of my involvement in all matters are a 101%. hmmm...what a fix i am in!
how does one practise dispassion? how do u love without being in love, how do u cook without loving ur own food, how do u bathe without getting drenched, how do u listen without getting overwhelmed, how do care without getting involved and the list unfortunately is endless! i for one find it so difficult to separate the two.
it is important to be dispassionate without being distant or cold. no one likes a cold fish. compassion should be there in any human being. the warmth, the love, the humanness! yet there should be a distance. the ability to draw the line. a dear friend of mine said, there should be no carry forwards. once again easier said than done. how do u not carry back a small slice of your interactions; back to your home, back to your life, back to your heart? is it possible to remain detached in attachment?
too many questions and too many what ifs. My swamiji however has this to say about dispassion and for fear of misquoting Him, I am going to give you his quote from His book, Prabatha-rasmih:
"People misunderstand dispassion as a note of distaste and repulsion towards all events and enjoyments of life.
But the truth is that to live effectively and victoriously in this world, in harmony with whatever life brings from time to time, man has to cultivate dispassion as an essential quality, just as he grows love, affection and fondness.
In fact, the fuller and most elevated manifestation of all human emotions is possible only in the presence of supreme dispassion."

Swamiji particularly mentions dispassion as being an essential quality and how dispassion should be a quality one has to develop just as one would develop qualities like love, affection and fondness to live victoriously and harmoniously in this world.
So people, can we now announce to the world; yes i love you all but i am not in love with you? and yes, i still love u joey, despite the flaring nostrils, crimson red face and temperamental outburst! I care about all your warts and worries but i wont badger my poor little head with them? is that dispassion enough?
I love my husband and children to bits but i will not stifle their space, worry unnecessarily and crowd their lifestyle? Dispassion? U think?
I love our centre and its wonderful people, Sean, Krish, Rats, Ram, JR, Nat, Ukie, Dee, Reem, Vas, Ginny, Prim, Sugi. Being dispassionate about it would help me to maintain a long lasting and harmonious relationship with all of them. So if i pass you by without giving you that extra extra;oh i love u so so much smile Joey, remember i m on a dispassionate crusade. You will still buy me dinner wont you, Friday nite?

the present mind

A dear friend Letz, in his good morning message to me said: Regretting over Yesterday and Fear of Tomorrow are the two thieves which steal our Present! It cud not have been worded any better than that. Often we find ourselves reminiscing about the past be it triumphs or failures. Regretting about past actions. Maybe I shud have planted that tree 2 inches to the left or maybe i shud have woken up 2 minutes earlier yesterday or maybe i shud have knocked Sean's head when i had the chance...hmmm what delightful thots!

And we also have this constant fear for the unknown quantity. Tomorrow is always an unknown quantity. I have a friend who always tells me, I dont know whats going to happen to me tomorrow and i really dont know where i stand. I normally have only one thing to tell her. My dear, that same blazing sun you saw today will come out in all its brilliance tomorrow too and that the little bit of space that you need to stand on, will still be below your feet. Am I being too optimistic living in an uncertain world like ours?

Really, i refuse to get bogged down by negativity. Joey likes to say that I live dangerously. Joey and I hang out at the centre quite a bit and whenever we are together somewhere at the back, she would insist on making sure that every lock, every bolt is fastened. And when i tell her to chill, she will say we cant take any chances. She calls herself careful but I call her joeyparanoia. Just as she calls me obsessive compulsive. Of course it is good to be careful but when it borders on paranoia (like it is with joey) it hinders growth! People, people...u must remember that i love joey right?

But even i have to agree that throwing caution to the wind; like how i m most of the time is living quite dangerously. But not regretting past actions, moving on to new ventures and soldiering on to tomorrow and the day after and the day after that without any fear or favour would be the ultimate way to live. Past actions are a thing of the past. They look good on photo albums or back up discs but not in our lives. Many use it as yardsticks of measure or things i wud never do again. Whatever it is, it is important to learn from past mistakes. A man who does not learn from past mistakes is condemned to repeat it. Lets not mistake this with regretting past actions. Regretting past actions bogs you down and hinders growth. It will always be a stumbling block in your life.

My swamiji says nothing new is going to take place in your life. He points out that the world has been in existence for an infinite length of time and in that period everything has already happened. If any incidences visit you it is most probably something that has happened before. So where is there room for fear? Fear is only for the dark and unknown!

Once again swamiji has hit the nail right on its head. Now can i drive that straight into joey's head? But Joey u know that I love you, right?

the humble mind

another sunday has come and gone. activities in the centre on a sunday morning is normally divine, sublime and very auspicious. this sunday was no different. every activity is done with so much of devotion, gentleness and reverence to the Guru. especially the prostration to the Guru.

i have come across many people who think it absurd to prostrate. the questions about how do i lower myself to that extent, or who is it that i m prostrating at, or why should i prostrate at anyone's feet for that matter might be top on the list. the act of prostration can be seen as an act of submission or surrendering power to another. is it?

My swamiji says that prostration is a unique, defenceless, egoless expression that enriches and blesses the person doing it with the mercy and grace of the one to whom he is prostrating. When you prostrate, you are the person to gain by your prostration, by your humility. The person or object that you prostrate is surely not to get the benefit of your prostration.

if one can see the divinity in each of the creations on earth, it would automatically make you want to prostrate before them as you would prostrate before the Supreme God. when i see the devotees in the centre prostrate before swamiji with so much of reverence, my eyes well up with tears. it is truly an exercise in humility, trust, devotion and sublimity.

if only we can see everyone as a supreme being and award the same kind of pranaams (prostration) even if it is just done mentally, the world will be such a great place to live in. A very good friend of mine, Malkeet, in his mail to me said that he mentally says a prayer everytime he meets another person. He says, “May the Divine blessings of peace & love be upon you at all times.” I suppose that prepares you to see the supreme in the other person and that on the other hand sublimates the other person too.

now now people, lets do some mental pranaams instead of the hi, hello, 'wey bro' or 'dey' or the present trend 'whassup' when we meet our fellow beings.we at the centre normally addresss centre mates by a 'Jai Guru' which literally translates to 'Victory to the Guru' or if we look deeper, it actually means Victory to the big mind in us.lets be humble in victory!

the even minded mind

i want to know if any of you can pull this off... suppose you get a million bucks on the weekly lottery, what would your response be like. When i ask you about it, you have this sombre reply. Oh yea, i am grateful for the mega bucks but i 'm cool!
and suppose you have just gone through this mega tragedy in your life; eg like going bankrupt or going through this major illness, what would your response be like. When i ask you about it, will you have this unaffected reply which says something like yea, i'm down and out but i am grateful for the experience and that this adversity has taught me a thing or two...
how many of us can actually claim to have reactions like this when faced with joy or adversity? we are either over the moon when in joy or down in the dumps in the face of adversity. can we actually have this even minded mind?
sugi from the centre introduced Rudyard Kipling's IF to me and in that he says and i quote...

[IF]

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling

what profundity I cannot describe...
My swamiji always says the very same thing quoting from the chapter 12 of the Gita whereby it is stated in one of the verses;' alike to friend and foe, alike in honour and insult, alike in heat and cold, alike in praise and blame-unattached, contented and steady in mind- dear to me is such a man.'
Swamiji always says, as you are at home with joy, so should you be at home in distress. He says joy and distress are final subjective outcomes of all our interactions in life and we should thus find a way to sublimate our reactions to both.
The next time you see me smiling when i have lost my wallet or broken my finger nail or when joey pulls my already very short hair or Sean actually tramples the flower bed then you know that i have truly arrived. Till then watch out people...i am still screaming bloody murder!

the serving mind

at some point of our life we are serving someone or the other. wikipedia loosely defines serve as providing a form of non material good. somehow you can never put a price tag on service mainly because it is non material.
as a daughter i have served my parents, as a sister i have served my brother, as a wife i have served my husband, as a mother i have served my children, as a citizen i have served the country, as a friend i have served my pals, as an employer i have served my employees and as a disciple i have served my gurudev.
my swamiji(by the way, my swamiji is your swamiji too as I refer him to mine as an endearment. my gurudev is very dear to me and if i have been referring to him as mine; it is only because he is extremely extremely dear to me and not because he is an object) always says that service is a natural free expression of the mind. he also says that when you do service to your family, it is sort of expected of you. things you would do for your parents or your siblings or your children are compulsions rather than voluntary.
when you serve your people without expecting anything in return, those activities will help the entire community, your country and the whole globe. this in return provides unimaginable joy and peace to the server.
coming back to my centre garden where joey, sean and i worked to transform the place; i must say we did it with so much of love and regard for our centre and also for all the devotees who are patronising and will patronise the centre. somehow i know that eventhough it wont make any difference to my swamiji whether the centre garden has a blue flower sprouting out of a yellow plant or a red flower dying on the blue plant; i know for a fact that he has managed to instill that service bud in the three of us and would be happy to note that we have grown in some way. my swamiji always says service to mankind enriches, expands, enlarges and elevates one's mind and personality.

i have this thing in me pushing me to serve. somehow i cant put it down on paper as well as i feel it from the very bottom of my existence. i remember my sister in law sunita wanting to give me a medical certificate to explain my absence from the centre as she wanted me to go shopping with her. I told her i will only need an MC if i am forced to go to the centre. I m going willingly and no one is expecting me to be there. life in the centre would go on regardless of me being there. however, i need to go as i have an internal urge to do so.

pat on the backs and well wishes are nice and charming but somehow not as gratifying as the fountain of peace and joy i feel within me when i am serving my people. you might say i am selfish because i am doing it to fulfill my inner joy; but you know what? so be it!

the defying mind

it is general human tendency to agree and to disagree on matters. some people are opinionated and would put in their two cents worth at every discussion. some of course think it is smarter to keep their comments to themselves than to air it out in public. whether one is the kind who speaks or doesnt, the fact remains that everyone has an opinion. thus there will be agreements and disagreements whenever you have a discussion.
some people agree just for the sake of keeping the peace around the table where else some disagree for the sake of disagreeing. many factors come into play when a group of people sit down in a meeting and there is a decision to be taken. the harmony among the group of people being the most important factor here. if there is harmony among the people then there will be a collective agreement to disagree or to agree.
my swamiji always says that while discussions are healthy and should be encouraged, he is quick to point out that one should always look for the reason behind one's agreement or disagreement. if someone is arguing to get a point across it is important to know the person's motive.

if he is arguing just because he needs his point of view to be accepted because he is always right, Swamiji says it is not a good thing as compared to someone who genuinely thinks that his idea would be the most suitable under the circumstances, not because it is his but because it is the most suitable. Even then Swamiji says that if the decision is going to cause disharmony then that person better take stock of the situation and withdraw from the equation.

in our centre we have the formidable Ram, the diplomatic JR, the compromising Krish, the philosophical Nat, the ever obliging Sean, the efficient impatient Joey, the no nonsense Rats and many more of different personalities. needless to say heads do roll before some decisions are actually taken. nevertheless we all chug along; humouring the ones who defy for the sake of defying, agree for the sake of agreeing, non committal ones and the ones who soldier on to get things off the ground and moving. my pranaams to all!

the impatient expecting mind

havent u come across people who ask you for something today and expect the reply yesterday? well, i have seen them only too often and yes, they irritate me no end. patience has never been one of my strong points either but the kind of people i mentioned earlier are just unbearable.
however when joey and i were working on the garden we differed only on one point. she wanted it to be a full fledged garden within a couple of hours while i could wait for about 3 days. hmmm...what a difference!
at the end of it all i was quite ashamed of myself really for lacking patience completely. Not as bad as joey, but bad enough! even my numerous attempts to lose weight have failed due to my impatience. exercising for half an hour a week and then expecting to lose 5 kilos during that time is like expecting the impossible. expectation is such a vicious thing. it almost always bring disappointments.
my swamiji always says that one should perform duties as a free expression of the mind and the soul. he says expect nothing and you will find a fountain of peace and joy. do it for the love of it and in this context, exercise because you love to exercise or do gardening because you love to do it. The end result will be bountiful when you least expect it.
meanwhile i did see joey plucking that yellow leaf off that plant and i think i heard her whispering, 'if you dont grow by tomorrow...' that was just after i had bribed them to fertilizer and growth hormones and coaxed them into growing for me in 3 days. i think we will never learn!

the joyful mind

Joey and i have been on a mission; a very therapeutic journey actually- gardening. We have managed to transform our centre garden into something so so beautiful. According to Sean it has been elevated to a higher stratum. I think so too even if I have to say it myself.
There is so much joy emanating from such a simple exercise. When I got involved in the Centre activities, it was because I wanted to and not because someone put a gun on my head. There were times when I would choose to be in the Centre rather than attend to some social obligations. It used to irk my friends no end but I remained nonchalant and continued doing what I wanted to do.
When I started doing what I did, I did it for the joy of it. I didnt expect anything in return. Somehow it has managed to boost my self confidence, self worth and self esteem because I am doing something that is so important to me.
My swamiji always says whatever you do, do it without desire or attachment. Do everything without expecting anything at all. When the desires are removed, the mind becomes still and from the stillness emanates a joy that is so fulfilling that the mind does not need anything after that.
As I helped Joey transform the garden, I did it with full dedication, commitment and enthusiasm. I had a vision of how it had to turn out and I had done the best to my ability but I left it to providence to make it happen. Somehow things happened beyond my expectations and the joy I got is unexplainable.
The fact that I am two shades darker now and my body aches at every joint...hmmm swamiji...still joyful..still joyful!

the forgiving mind

Joey took me up on that invitation to tea. In fact she took me out to lunch first and then bought me tea. Very nice of her especially since it was I who invited her. She still insisted i am compulsive obsessive and this time i decided to give in. This was necessary because I wanted to keep the peace and tranquility between us. I have always felt that it is good to compromise especially when I feel that I have much more to lose when I hold on to my views and policies. And Joey is definitely worth compromising for!
But somehow nothing came close to another incident that happened to Joey and me, involving another friend from the centre, Sean. Sean is this fine gentleman who is extremely accommodating, friendly and very helpful. Sean was helping Joey and me out on some issues out of sheer sense of responsibility but got told off for something that was totally out of his control. Well Sean took responsibility for his actions, apologised if he was out of line and went on with his life. Made mention of it to me only because I asked and made me promise never to speak of it again. Sorry Sean, I just could not help it!
Some people think of forgiveness as being cowardly. Some people think it is a sign of weakness. Some even think of it as demeaning. But Sean just invited tremendous relief, peace and happiness to his life by forgiving as forgiveness holds tremendous healing power and liberation to his soul.
My swamiji always says forgiveness becomes easy when we realise that whatever dislikes or circumstances of dislike that we have is a creation of our own mind in our mind. When we acknowledge that everything starts and ends in our mind itself, it becomes so trivial
and unimportant.
Sean obviously has understood Swamiji's message well. Somehow i feel very small next to Sean as I would have reacted differently if i had been in Sean's shoes. Do I invite Sean to have tea with me in Lotus this time? ...hmmm

the attentive mind

I had an excellent time with my buddy Joey, from the Centre today. We spent the whole day at the flower nursery getting pots, plants and everything else we needed to make the garden in the centre look good. Well, Joey thinks I have an obsessive compulsive streak in me. Just because I am a little particular about shapes and colours and sizes I dont think I deserve to be called an obsessive compulsive. I like to think that I have an eye for detail and a mind that has its quirks and peculiarities for the things that matter to me; which is by the way practically everything! Oh dear...was Joey right afterall? Am I obsessive compulsive?
My swamiji however is someone who thinks that everyone should be sensitive and attentive to not just details but also to every aspect in life. He thrives on an attentive mind and I honestly have not seen anyone else who is so attentive.
Swamiji always says that eventhough it normally doesnt make any difference this way or the other if someone does a particular act imperfectly, he is first to point out that it shows the person's state of mind. He says that to do any act perfectly, one needs perfect attention. An attentive mind would strive for perfection!
Coming back to Joey,(by the way, i love Joey) I think i need to explain to her the difference between obsessive compulsive and striving for perfection. Be it plucking that blade of grass or performing that heart bypass, lets deal with it with sensitivity, attentiveness and utmost perfection. Joey, can we meet for teh tarik at Lotus?

the smart stupid mind

So did u meditate yesterday?
This mind is a funny thing. It is both smart and stupid. Lets do the smart aspect first. If u feed it with positive, uplifting and lofty thoughts; it holds on to those thoughts and u, believe it or not, somehow become all of those. However, if you decide to be negative, grumble and complain about all and sundry; the mind will then hold on to those thoughts stronger. Hmmm...
Then again our mind is like a monkey right? Our thoughts jump from sad to happy to uplifting to downright downtrodden within seconds. Mind is given to thinking and naturally that is what it would do. I would be worried if it doesnt!
My swamiji however has a formula; he says that the mind has to digest all the positive, uplifting and lofty thoughts and to do that you need to spend some mind hours doing that. He says that for any significant concept or attitude or perception to be part of the mind process and stay there for good, one has to actually spend about 50 mind hours on each quality.
That, my gawd, is a whole lot of mind hours and yes...one way of achieving that is by meditating upon that very quality that u wish for. Remember Rome wasnt built in a day and yeah; it might take a lit bit of hours but we can be there too!
So, what is it that u want?

the agitated mind

swamiji said today that an agitated mind and an overworked body makes people say things they wont normally say. he said we have to look within ourselves everytime we fumble or do something we should not have done or putting it simply...get angry! swamiji says go back within yourself and introspect.
thats what swamiji says and i know he is right. of course he is right. how much i can go within myself is something else. i am trying, i am trying...
going within a.k.a. meditation(the new buzz word) is as old as age itself. yet we find it so difficult to sit still, go within our minds and watch the movie within ourselves. we have a meditation session in our centre every sunday morning for fifteen minutes. all of us have definitely graduated from where we were before. i know i have!